Recently I came across a post in a Swedish sub where a man from the US, heading to Sweden for studies, was asking how dating works there.
Some of the most upvoted replies were things like "be honest and open about your needs and wants" and "be honest from the very beginning".
It's not the first time I've seen advice like this, and it somewhat puzzles me. First of all, because it seems obvious to me that you can't be dishonest. Of course, you need to be honest. Why tell someone to be honest at all if they're showing no signs of intending to do anything dishonest?
Which leads me to think that maybe I'm missing something important here. Why is the advice to "be honest and open" so emphasized and upvoted? Is it because there are a lot of people who behave dishonestly and in manipulative ways?
What exactly does it mean to be honest and open about your wants and needs in the context of dating? What exactly do people mean when they say this?
Could you give a hypothetical example of
- a guy who is honest and open
- a guy who is dishonest and not open?
What exactly do they do?
Another reason this advice puzzles me is that it raises the question of how to be honest and open about the physical/sexual part of one's needs and wants. It seems obvious to me that in the context of dating/relationships there is always a physical/sexual aspect. How do you express that part honestly and openly? People don't usually express it openly, it typically happens through hints and nonverbal communication, doesn't it?
Also, imagine, for example, a frustrated guy who right now, immediately, needs attention, closeness, hugs, sex, etc. He really needs a woman, urgently. How is he supposed to be honest and open about these desires, about his frustration?
So it seems like this advice has certain limitations? Of course, you should always be honest in the sense of "don't lie or manipulate" — there's nothing to discuss here. But in the sense of "show your desires and needs", maybe in some cases that could be inappropriate?
